Essay

The Shadow

By: Denise Hanshaw,

0 comments

I was enjoying my husband’s 25 year anniversary dinner for work because it gave me the chance to see co-workers that I haven’t seen since I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. As my husband and I made our way around the room, he introduced me to a co-worker. “Jim, I would like you to meet my wife, Denise.” Period. There was no, this is my wife Denise, she works in the System’s engineering group.” I was just his wife. It was the first time I had ever been introduced to someone in that manner, and I felt like I was slapped in the face. All those years working and going to school as a single mom gone in an instant.
I’ve never been someone’s wife. I don’t think I was ever just someone’s daughter. There was always something more to define me. I was Jerry’s daughter that played softball for Joe Miller’s team or JoAnn’s daughter that went to Elyria Catholic or their daughter that was an aircraft mechanic in the Air Force. I was never an appendage. I went home that evening depressed and of course my husband asked what was bothering me.
“I’m just your wife.” I replied.
He looked confused. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No. I just realized how much work defined me until now. I never realized that now, I have no identity.”
“You’re the mother of my daughter, “he said, trying to make me feel better. It didn’t work. That next week I called my sister-in-law. She had also given up her career to stay at home with the kids. She also felt my pain. My brother tried to tell her that her “new job” as important. Yes, it is important, but it’s not recognized. Men don’t understand the depth of the change in our lives when we give up a career to stay at home. I imagined that it’s what all women went through when the boys came back from the war and expected their jobs back.
If I had it to do all over again, I would. I love my daughter and the freedom to enjoy her as she grows up. Still, it’s a change that is difficult to wrap my head around. I wonder. Did this change come with a price or did it give me the freedom to redefine myself into what I want to be? Only time will tell.

Changes In Life

Becoming the woman you were meant to be

Menu

Newsletters

Essays

Sites for Women Writers