Essay

From Chrysalis to Butterfly

By: Rentia Collier,

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Change. It’s what keeps us moving forward. Without it we cease to grow, becoming stagnant and afraid. Some people find it a chance to renew or redefine their lives. They find the act of transformation to be exhilarating, even a little scary. Most of my life was spent being afraid of that one little word. It paralyzed me and caused me to doubt myself.
When I was seven, my mother said “There’s going to be a change in our family.” What she meant was divorce- and in less than a month later, her remarriage. I mourned the loss of my dad, and the new step-father was cruel. These two events were the first of many unhappy changes thrust upon me in childhood. I began to see change as something disturbing and always bad.
Being afraid of change is what kept me bound in a sixteen year abusive marriage. I wasn’t allowed to work. Isolated, I spent all day caring for my children and walking on eggshells around my husband. I knew I didn’t deserve the emotional and physical abuse, yet I feared more the unknown rather than the known. Where would I go? How would I care for my children? Did I have what it took to be successful on my own.
I’m not sure how or why, but I woke up one day and decided that the “big, bad, world” couldn’t be worse than the hell I was already enduring. Suddenly, I knew what my mother must have felt. I fled with my children, filed for divorce, found a job and muddled my way through. It wasn’t easy. Over the next two years, I underwent my own transformation. I would like to say the change was immediate and wonderful, but the reality is, it was slow and sometimes painful. With the help of a friend, I began to see who I was and what made me tick. I was no longer told what to wear, what to watch on television, what to read, or where to go. I was free to make my own decisions. It was liberating. My only limitations were those I placed upon myself.
Now I appreciate how change can be a positive, motivating and redefining force. It brought new friends, new opportunities, and new hope into my life. I remarried and with my husband’s encouragement, went to college and became a teacher. I renewed my interest in writing, and although change still scares me, I don’t let it cripple me. I see it for what it is- a chance to make me a better person. I’m no longer hiding in my chrysalis- I’ve broken free and now spread my wings as a beautiful butterfly. The real me has finally emerged.

Changes In Life

Becoming the woman you were meant to be

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