Essay

Eighty Is Coming

By: Barbara Leedom, 03/02/2017

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Eighty is coming, it’s coming fast, and there’s nothing I can do about becoming 80 years old. What happened to all the years, the decades and the unfulfilled dreams and promises? Poof. Can’t bring them back, but can continue to pursue some of them.
Not giving up on publishing that first novel. Not giving in to achy knees. Not going to not exercise – even though I may be the oldest woman at the gym and the only woman who doesn’t wear leotards. Not giving up learning, going to classes, reading new stuff, trying new things. Yesterday, tried to make popovers. Failed. Will try again and again until success. For as long as it takes – I shall create popovers.
Last week bought a book about human brains. Something like 86 million neurons. Do not understand a lot of what I read, but author wrote there’s a lot about the human brain no one yet knows. Made me feel better.
Toilet handle broke. Went to the hardware store and asked about DIY fix and if he thought I could fix it all by myself. He said maybe. Bought kit, brought it home. Took 3 hours but installed new handle and it works. Determination saved dollars. Am proud of myself.
Not giving in to looking sloppy even though I’ve nowhere to go. Get up, get dressed, comb hair, take dog for walk, cuddle cat, write, read, call a friend to just say hello.
White hair is fine for some but not for me. At the merest white root showing, dye. I have no idea how white my hair is because I’ve been coloring it for 30 years. Ever since I saw those first white hairs. Hair coloring has gotten better during that time. Closer to natural colors. No one has to have midnight color or canary color hair.
Not worrying, or as people say these days, no worries. Can’t worry about stuff can’t change. Can’t change age, weather, people, failed popovers. Friend says every silver lining has clouds. Refuse to believe that. Optimism is opting for joy. Even clouds are joy, I tell him. Look at the pictures in them. No, bah humbug for me.
Have causes or at least a cause. Mine is criminal justice. It needs change. Too many people in prisons. Too many innocents in prisons. Fight for justice reform by contacting legislators. Fight for justice for inmate I’ve known for 22 years and who I believe is innocent of the crime for which he was convicted. Before I’m 81, I’ll see him free. I’m sure of this.
Cherishing grandchildren. Teach them what I’ve learned. My fav line: If you don’t understand something, ask questions. Adults are not infallible, no one is. Ask many questions.
Eighty looms out there. When I look in the mirror I see the same person I was at 30, but, of course, I’m not the same person. Eighty is old. Hard to admit but 80 is old. In America, old is not revered as it is in some countries. Can’t do anything about that.
Like popovers, will carry on. Will welcome 80, because, because, believe it, she’s almost here.

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