Changes In Life

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What it Was, What it Is

By: Pat LaPointe, 9/1/2014 4:16:56 PM

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We all know that many changes we have experienced can be viewed in terms of the years we have lived. I offer my thoughts about the changes I’ve experienced over the many decades I’ve lived.
As a girl born in 1949, there were many lessons to be learned, most of which fell into the category of “acting like a lady.” A lady never slouches or chews gum in public. This, it was said, would make her look like a cow. Never leave the house without a well pressed, pristine white hanky, or not wearing a girdle as jiggly rears were quite taboo, or heaven forbid, without makeup. The girdle and makeup thing also applied to the daily occasion of meeting one’s husband at the door. Does anyone remember the popular song “Wives and Lovers” especially the advice to not have your hair in curlers when he’s home because there are other women out there?? In addition to the girdle and makeup, a trip downtown required a dress, white gloves, nylons attached to the aforementioned girdle and a dainty clutch purse.

As a girl born in 1949, learning to drive was discouraged/denied. It was feared that it may cause her to not be home to greet her husband at the door and guide him to the dining table upon which was a home cooked meal.
Another lesson was regarding the type and extent of one’s education. Home Ec for sure. Typing just in case you weren’t engaged by the end of your senior year.

As a preteen in the early 60’s I learned that there were aspects of being a lady that should be kept secret. A lady NEVER discusses having her period, aka friendly visitor with any male except perhaps the Gyne that called you “sweetie” or “pumpkin” while you laid on his examining table with your feet up in stirrups. However, no one had any suggestions as to how to fit a bulky sanitary napkin in one’s dainty little purse. Therefore, many women spent at least five days each month confined to their homes.

As a teen in the late 60’s these lessons provided the ideal source for rebellion. Jeans and mini-skirts filled closets; dresses and girdles put in storage. Nylons were replaced with tights to wear under the mini-skirt. Chewing gum, and smoking in public were not only allowed, but were often a daily event. Oh, and by the way, by the end of the 60’s my father and later my husband routinely purchased sanitary napkins and tampons.

As a women living in the 70’s the lessons of how to be a lady/wife and be a mother to daughters no longer made any sense. This left this woman to fly by the seat of her pants (jeans, that is). There would be no girdles, white hankies, nylons etc. And if the worst complaint a mother could hear was that her daughter chewed gum in public, she was one lucky woman.

As a woman in the 70’s, there were no guidelines as to how to help one’s daughters develop their own identities, their own “true selves”. This was, of course, compounded by the fact that this woman, born in 1949 and living in the 70’s had no idea who she was once you peeled away the labels of daughter, wife, and mother.

Perhaps it was because of what she knew her daughters would need that this woman set out to discover her “self”. Those home cooked meals could be replaced by “nuking” dinner in the microwave. Cleaning and laundry chores could be shared with one’s spouse. Note: I said could not would. These changes left time for personal exploration: career, college etc.

By the end of the 90’s the lessons learned in the 50’s became a source of amusement for both this woman and the daughters born in the 70’s.

As a “mature” woman living in 2011, I watched as my daughters struggled as I had to reject whatever lessons I must have subtly provided in their childhood. They appeared to be trying to balance what they knew with who they truly were.

As for myself, I’ve found that it is only in reflecting upon those early lessons, the rebellion of adolescence, the confusion as a young mother and the exploring of the 70’s and 80’s that I can understand the “who” and “why” of me. I hope that when I am a woman living in 2021 I will use what will happen, what changes will have occurred, to gain an even deeper understanding of myself and use the wisdom gained in the years ahead to live a full and rewarding life.

Changes In Life

Becoming the woman you were meant to be

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